not so sure

im not so sure what the title is now..im not sure how sober i am right now but all i know is, i can still type without typo....tonight, it's our last night in korea and my client took us out for dinner to celebrate....either because they are finally free from us or because they just cant bear to see us leave...nvm what the reason is, the truth is, they are bringing us out for dinner finally...after SIX weeks!!! well, i'm not sure how my feeling is now coz i'm trying to just feel neutral abt everything and anything..somehow, this is a very difficult thing to do....well...after x yrs, i finally learned to see something clearly...in people i thought who are close to me....sometimes, i am quite confident in how ppl think of me...whether they like me, they hate me or they are just losers who are trying to take advantage of me...somehow, i keep losing to a battle of some people...and tonight, i did it again...i lost to ppl to kept using me and yet, i treat the person like god...hahaha...how dumb could i be...all along, no matter how bad im being treated, how unfair im being treated...i always take it generously...somehow, i think i owe this person a lot..mayb i did something bad in my past lives, or mayb i am just too naive...im not sure..not sure if u are as "intelligent" as me..treat ur debtor like god...well..tat's how im like all this while..finally, i see the real person behind a "nice" person i thought this person is....our client took us out for really nice dinner...ordered alot of food for us and of coz wine and beer....and this colleague of mine, wanted to protect oneslf..while i understand, but i was being put on the spot by this person while this person just hid in the corner while i battled for my own life...now im not so sober..but am still ok so far coz i managed to "let go" some stuff...thanks to this person of coz....and guess what? as i tried to recall...i just remember how nice i was towards this person...always remember to wait for the person's team for lunch or go home..but never did this person thought of waiting for me for lunch or going home...and even thought of asking me out for dinner only because this person is having dinner alone (fyi, i was so full till i couldnt walk..but never did this person try to understand how hard it was for me to see food that night).....i really felt sorry for myself....for being so naive~~~tell me...am i too nice or just plain stupid? tell me wat u would do if u were me?